


oh, the moon's lullaby

by sunflower_8



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Self-Esteem Issues, breakdown - Freeform, happy birthday hinata
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:35:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22077814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: lovely, you'll never die alone(hinata and komaeda celebrate the new year and talk about change.)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 12
Kudos: 145





	oh, the moon's lullaby

at one am, the beach was moonlit. the water was dark with a light glimmer, and the stars were unafraid of making an appearance. earlier, fireworks lit up the sky, but the remnants of despair didn’t keep the festivities going on after midnight, all resigning to bed. aside from one, hinata hajime, who laid awake under the moon’s loving gaze, welcoming his birthday and the new year in solitude.

_ twenty three _ . hinata stared up at the stars, shivering slightly at the chill in the wind. he could name most of the constellations adorning the dark navy sky, but he closed his eyes to avoid the ultimate astronomer talent from overwhelming his thoughts. after he took a deep breath, one that was dense and heavy, he opened his eyes again and admired the ocean’s gentle waves. as he watched them undulate, he remarked to himself once again that  _ he was twenty three. _

it wasn’t a particularly interesting number. it was simple, with no significance that could come to mind. kamukura reasoned that there was no distinct reason for hinata to be so haunted by that number, aside from the fact that he was aging. although hinata had not been in the simulation for a year, it still felt like he wasn’t allowed to grow up. things weren’t allowed to change. they couldn’t.

they did.

they’ve all changed, and they’ve all regarded hinata as the most adaptive. he still tried to be a leader and kept his issues with his identity quiet. most would assume that he was fluid, not stagnant. definitely not adverse to change.

he sniffled a little.  _ fuck.  _ he didn’t want to cry, not here, not now. there was probably a thousand things he would rather do, and it’s not even like he’s repressing things  _ the fuck _ , why is he crying? his whimper came out choked and ugly, and he wished he was at least a pretty crier, but instead he was wracking with painful sobs. they seemed to tug at his body, lurching him forward, and he rested his head on his knees for the semblance of privacy.

it was a new year. it was his  _ birthday.  _ he was twenty three years old, and there’s nothing wrong with that, he didn’t even feel like he was the wrong age. it was perfect; he wasn’t dissociated from his birthday, but he still cried for what felt like hours, until the tears stopped pouring and instead left an ugly fuzziness inside. he was lost in the feeling, the sinking pain, that he hardly noticed someone sitting beside him. he startled when he felt a cold hand on his shoulder, looking up to identify his sudden companion.

“hey.” komaeda smiled. it instantly made hinata feel a little bit better, because he probably needed someone around him at this moment. plus, komaeda’s smile wasn’t manatical anymore; it didn’t split his face like a cheshire cat leaving much to be desired. it was just… a smile. and it was comforting. “i figured you would be here, but i didn’t know if you wanted company or not… i can leave if you want to be alone.”

“nah, it’s fine.” hinata’s voice didn’t come out as casual and cool as he wanted, instead sounding a little bit rough and unsteady. he cleared his throat and repeated. “you’re fine.”

komaeda nodded, moving his hand away from hinata’s shoulder and looking out to the sea. he was sitting far enough away from the other that the brunette wanted to bridge the gap, but he didn’t want to move at all. he followed komaeda’s line of sight, noticing that he calmed down a lot more when he watched the waves. they rose and fell, rose and fell, lapped gently at the rocky shore. it was pleasant, but hinata was jarred from his reverie when he noticed komaeda staring at him. grey eyes widened and the white-haired man apologized hurriedly, but hinata shushed him and met his gaze.

“happy new year’s.” hinata mumbled. 

komaeda’s lips quirked, “happy birthday.”

hinata broke eye contact, not able to muster up a  _ thank you _ or any reasonable fucking reply. he was hardly ever this silent and hesitant in a conversation; he was awkward as all hell, but he could usually manage to fucking  _ talk to people _ . and yet, somehow, all hinata wanted to do was cry again. he didn’t, thank god, because komaeda was  _ also  _ awkward and it would probably be a little bit unsettling to handle.

_ although,  _ hinata considered,  _ it might be okay. because komaeda is actually a nice person, who can handle these things. he’s not a jackass like you. he probably wouldn’t freak out that he’s turning twenty three. he’d just smile prettily and bashfully accept people’s congratulations.  _

and hinata, once again, dealt with his cognitive dissonance, because he didn’t want to lie to himself and pretend like he’s the fucking worst when he knew he probably (hopefully) wasn’t, but he wasn’t going to be cynical about his closest friend and insinuate that komaeda was still very much unstable, and probably more sane now than he ever was. hinata was  _ such a clinical dumbass _ , and his breath quickened slightly because he’s the fucking  _ worst _ , and-

“hinata-kun? hey.” komaeda tapped his shoulder awkwardly, a concerned expression on his face. “are you okay?”

“you can call me hinata.” he replied, avoiding komaeda’s question. the other’s expression tightened, acknowledging his elusion, but he didn’t say anything else. 

“okay, h-” he coughed, hesitancy in his eyes. “hinata.” 

“you can trust me, y’know.” hinata said softly, slinging his arm around his knee and shifting closer to the other. komaeda noticed his movement but said nothing, mild panic apparent in his grey eyes. eventually, he nodded, and hinata figured that was the best they were going to get at that point. hinata couldn’t stop the grin across his face when komaeda scooted closer to him too. they shared a look, and komaeda hesitantly rested his head on hinata’s shoulder. the brunette sighed softly.

“hinata?”

“yeah?”

“i…” komaeda shook his head afterward. “nevermind. sorry. it was dumb.”

“i mean, it probably wasn’t.” hinata reasoned. “you say pretty smart things most of the time. so, if you want to say it, you might as well.”

“i…”

“ko.”

the nickname convinced him enough, and komaeda opened his mouth to speak. “i’m... i’m scared of change.” hinata tensed, ever so slightly, because  _ holy shit me too.  _ now, there was this kind of solidarity between them, which was nice, but komaeda kept talking and hinata shut his thoughts off to listen. “and... and i’m really scared. of losing. and it… with my dementia-” he smiled morosely, “i’m really scared i’ll start losing my  _ memory  _ and  _ mind,  _ but i know that’s getting better. but... i’m really scared of losing people too. i don’t want things to change. when sonia said she was leaving the island briefly, she had to tell me in private because i didn’t take it so well. and now everyone is speculating that pekoyama is pregnant, and that’s terrifying. i... this sounds really dumb, i’m sorry.”

“no.” hinata insisted, and komaeda’s small self deprecating laugh stopped. “it’s fine. i…” he took in a deep breath, and it felt a little bit lighter than when he was gasping for oxygen earlier, when he was alone and terrified. he’s still terrified, really, but there was someone beside him giving him enough courage to admit: “i’m scared too. i know i act all strong, like i’m handling kamukura and the future foundation’s work and everyone’s mental health well, but-”

“you’re not.” komaeda finished.

“i’m not.” hinata agreed breathily. “i’m scared of turning twenty three, which i already have, technically. i’m scared of growing up because it feels like nothing is meant to change, right? like we went through all this fucking bullshit and i want stuff to be eternal. but... i guess you have to keep faith-- hope-- in changes ending up well. when you lose things, you have to trust they’ll come back. like sonia’s coming back, we already know that.”

“and when you have to go to the headquarters,” komaeda said softly, his voice vulnerable. “you’re going to come back.”

“yeah.”

komaeda was quiet for a few minutes, and hinata allowed him that time to think. honestly, hinata needed a moment to process as well. he felt a lot more calm now that he was honest, but he was still worried about the future. he was facing the world and change with good company, though, so he’d probably be fine. and... and he’s  _ twenty three _ and still terrified out of his goddamn mind with that but he did feel a bit better. he could probably wash away his remaining panic with mioda’s wonderful parties and some of hanamura’s cooking. 

he noticed komaeda shifting uncomfortably on his shoulder, and the white haired boy whispered, his words almost carried away by the wind, “i’m… i’m not going to lose you, right?”

hinata and komaeda pulled apart, the latter straightening up while the former placed his hand on his companion’s cheek. he gave him a small reassuring smile, and replied, “never. i’ll always come back for everyone. i’ll…” he felt himself flush a little, but he kept speaking. “i’ll always come back for you.”

komaeda laughed, and hinata wasn’t sure if it was because he just admitted something undeniably cheesy, but he noticed that the laugh was a little strangled and restrained. it was as though komaeda was trying to pull it back, a mixture of his self loathing chuckle and a bittersweet giggle. hinata couldn’t pinpoint which one it was more like, before a tear streaked down komaeda’s cheek. the brunette wiped it away immediately, paying close attention to the other, until the crier finally said:

“i love you.”

hinata tensed for a brief moment before suddenly pulling the other into a tight hug. komaeda let out a squeak, but eventually rested his face in the crook of hinata’s neck and wrapped his arms around him too. hinata smiled again komaeda’s hair, mumbling into the embrace, “i love you too.” he felt tears fall onto his skin, and soon enough they were both crying, holding each other tightly. it felt so dramatic but soft, too, and hinata was going to go out on a limb and say that the two of them deserved this. komaeda deserved stability and someone who would actually love him (and at some point, hinata became a sap, because he loved the other so  _ damn  _ much), and hinata deserved someone who could ease his anxiety and fear for the future. 

“ever since i saw you-” hinata kissed the speaker’s temple, feeling the other relax more into the embrace as time progressed. “-i  _ needed  _ you. and... and i did  _ horrible  _ things-”

“shh, ko, it’s okay-”

“-and i said  _ horrible things,  _ but i loved you s-so much, and it terrified me. i can’t lose you. i... i don’t want you to leave.”

“i won’t.” hinata kissed his cheek this time, and he felt a returning one pressed chastely against his jaw. “i’m not going to leave.”

eventually, the aftershocks of their emotions died down, and they stopped crying. at some point, they shifted from hugging to lying down on the beach, their legs intertwined as a sleepy fog overcame them. komaeda nestled his head against hinata’s chest, and before they succumbed to sleep, he told the other, “happy new year’s. happy birthday.”

“happy new year’s. sleep well, ko. i love you.”

_ i’m twenty three _ , hinata admitted to himself, holding his sleeping partner in his arms as he closed his eyes.  _ i’m not afraid anymore. _

and when the horizon rose with dawn, they awoke together.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm so tired this note is shit this isn't edited idk why i'm exhausted.
> 
> happy birthday hajime!!! one of my favorite DR characters!!! here's some komahina
> 
> happy new year's, everybody


End file.
